I will not puke in front of the Lion's Den, nor will I end up naked on our back deck...

Tonight, at 6 pm, the UW Badger Hockey Team will play in the NCAA championship game...against Boston College...just like they did four years ago. That game, four years ago, went down in infamy for me. It was NOT one of my shining moments. But the story is one that is just too damn funny to not bring back from the vault so here we go...

Four years ago, I was on a smoothie diet. Loved those smoothies! So I had a smoothie for breakfast - went to the Y to swim and then forgot to eat lunch (first red flag). It was a cold but sunny April day - too cold to do too much outside. So Kevin and I decided to do some shopping and then watch The Master's at a local establishment - someplace new that we had never been - we went to Brooklyn's. The goal was to watch a little golf and then get home for the hockey game. Well, plans went a little south. After a tasty Blue Moon, I decided to honor the Badger hockey team by switching to 'something red'...like a cosmo (second red flag - no pun intended). Well, The Master's came and went and before you knew it, the hockey game was on...time for a second 'red drink' and at this point, I just told the bartender to 'make me something red' (third red flag). I think about halfway thru this second red drink, Kevin decided I needed to get home (I was loud - talking in tongues - let's face it, just loaded!). And the minute I got outside, that fresh air/oxygen set me on my *ss. I couldn't see (how does that happen?); I had problems walking to the truck (??) and I then realized I needed to get home. He poured me into the truck and I begged for him to drive fast. I laid back in the seat - closed my eyes and could visualize every turn and stop sign until I got home. Unfortunately, my liquor combo and lack of ANY solid food all day decided to play 'games' with me and my head...and my stomach. There was no way to get safely home - Kevin had to pull off in front of the Lion's Den so I could retch my guts out. There I stood - hanging onto the seatbelt strap so I didn't fall into the ditch - hurling. NICE!! And people, it's like 6 pm - broad daylight!! Pretty to boot! But it gets better...much better...

I fell back into the truck and then began to disrobe because my aim was a little bit off. I decided that a load of laundry HAD to be done the millisecond I got home...I mean IMMEDIATELY. So there I sat in the truck - pants and shirt and UW jacket in hand...riding around in my bra and panties. I know right now you're thinking 'geez, that Kevin is a lucky guy.' I'm glad he didn't dump my rump out on Hwy. 26 somewhere.

So, we get home, Kevin has to HELP ME get into the house. As determined, I fire up the wash machine and start chores - still not being able to see or talk intelligently or with purpose. Go figure? He literally has to steer me and guide me up the stairs - I am like a pinball - bouncing off walls and furniture. I am pretty sure SOMEONE slipped something into my drink!! I mean , come on - that is not much alcohol and I don't think I've ever been that sh*tfaced. But it gets better...

My wonderful husband grabs a bucket and points me in the direction of the bedroom, and I decide to take a little nap...ok, I passed out. And again people, it's like 6:15 now - BROAD DAYLIGHT YET!

I wake up. The house is quiet. I decide to play that age old game that I know ALL of you have done at some point and time, drink and dial. I call Barb and Marc, my sister and brother in law and leave a message that was a combo of swahili and pig latin (they would later call back and talk to Kevin and ask where I was and if I was alright because it was the most bizarre...and hysterical message they had ever received from me...and they would save this for over a year just because it was so damn funny to listen to - see below for the manuscript). I worship at the plastic bucket and then decide to dump it over the back deck of our house rather than into the bathroom. Still, to this day, I have no clue where that came from. Why? Why? Why? So I walk onto our back deck...in panties (yes, you read right...just panties)...and heave the heave over the deck. I still can't see but realize it is DAYLIGHT yet...and then I hear voices. Kids voices. Neighbor kids voices. SOB!! ALL the neighbors are out in their backyard and I am basically standing buck naked on our deck dumping a pail of urp over the railing. AAAARRRGGG!! I streak (again, no pun intended) back into the house and crawl back into bed and then scream for Kevin to 'look outside - who is out there - I was on the back deck naked.' Kevin is aghast. "I left you for five minutes, what the hell did you all do?" Before I can answer, I pass out again - that's when Barb and Marc call to fill him in on my antics. Seriously, what did someone put in my drink?

I wake up at 10 pm. The Badgers won and are the NCAA champs! I am happy - though feel like someone beat me with a baseball bat. I fall back to sleep...ok, I pass out...again. When I wake on Sunday, little bits and pieces begin to come back to me. I still feel like crap; I am embarassed and I KNOW that someone put something in my drink. I vow to NEVER return to Brooklyn's again.

And I didn't. Until two years later. With Kevin and my friends Susan and Tammy, I decide to exorcise the demons and give this local establishment another try. We all order martinis. It is then that Kevin realizes what was in my drink that night in 2006...21 oz of alcohol. Yes, not a baby martini - these are SUPERSIZED martinis - so throw that into an empty tummy and see what you get. And all this time I thought someone had plotted my demise that night. And with that, I would also like to share a little food for thought from my wonderful friend Susan (you will want to remember this and use it..you will) -
Martinis are like b**bs; one's not enough and three's too many - Susan J.

So, because sometimes you just gotta take one for the team, Kevin and I are heading back to Brooklyn's tonight. To do it all over again! YES! And I'll do whatever I need to, to ensure another Badger victory. Stay tuned for highlights (or lowlights, but hopefully no headlights). GO BUCKY!!!!!

Here's that infamous message that was left on Barb and Marc's answering machine. They gave this to me (along with other items like a bib; barf bags; baby wipes; bucket, etc. at Xmas in a 'UW BADGER HOCKEY OVERINDULGENCE EMERGENCY CLEAN UP KIT - I know, very funny).

"Barb-
Call Kevin and make sure I'm frickin alive. I think they spiked my drink...at Brooklyn's. I am just a mess. He just drove me home and I puked at the Lion's Den -hello? F*CK! I feel like sh*t. I hope the Badgers win. Bye."

Like I said, NOT one of my shining moments.

dropping the puck and raising the Lombardi

Ben and me - a self portrait before I turned him lose with the camera


I've been very good since GBP season has ended. Ok, kinda good. Well, maybe not the best but starting today (Tuesday after Super Bowl), I'm going to put my best foot forward in 2010 (well at least until September - you can't have it all, right?).

This past Saturday was the outdoor hockey game at Camp Randall in Madison against the Michigan Wolverines. It was on the agenda for a few months now but we hadn't secured tickets until Friday - seriously, who in their right minds wants to sit outside on a February night on metal bleachers and watch hockey? I'll tell you...who 55,000 crazy *ss fans, that's who!! And, just a reminder, no alcohol is served in Camp Randall so yes, these are crazy fans...or fans who get pickled to an acceptable level prior to the puck drop. To give kudos, UW did the right thing and scheduled the women's hockey game at 2 pm; men's hockey at 5 pm. Very PC! Unfortunately, when we flipped a coin to decide if we should go watch hockey at 2 pm or tailgate, you kinda know what won out, don't you? Party on, Garth!

Kevin and I attended this with Barb and Marc - Marge held down the fort in Madison with Ben and Madeline and Sadie and Sophie. Good trade off - we got to to go and drink and freeze and the 'cousins' got to spend quality time with G-Ma. Everybody wins.

This is a picture of Grandma Marge...by Ben.

....another picture of Grandma Marge...

....another picture of Grandma Marge. Ok, cut the kid some slack - he's 2 1/2 years old and his aim isn't spot on (but he's a guy so I'm pretty sure he'll never grow out of that).


While Ben was practicing his photography skills, Madeline took Sadie for a walk around the hood.

Now Barb was the one who suggested we depart for the campus at 2 pm. Being the lemmings we are, the rest of us followed her lead. We had rock star parking, thanks to friends of Barb and Marc, so we were basically cracking open a cold one by 2:20...with puck drop not for another 2 1/2 hours. Definitely on the same timeline as every GBP game this year. In hindsight, probably not good. Again. (How many times have I said that in this blog since I started it in September? Seriously?)

Kevin in his 80s sweater; MixMaster Marc with his 'hammer pants' and Barb enjoying the pre-game festivities. Yes, those are tree stumps in the background. What the?


Here's the thing when you start drinking outside in 20 degree temps...you know you're not gonna last long without a porty potty close by. Unfortunately, the lot we were in did NOT have such a luxury. So, after an hour or so, we decided it was time to beat cheeks and find a bar.

I now know why Marc wasn't b-otching about having to use the rest room - he finally wore that ASTRONAUT diaper that he's been talking about for how many tailgates now. That is some diaper. Impressive.


Unfortunately, the other 54,996 people there for hockey had the same idea. AAARRRGGG!! Long lines - no outdoor beer gardens (Madison city rules - booooo) - and Kevin with his little lady bladder. Thank goodness for the teeny, tiniest Thai restaurant on Regent Street - Vientiane Palace. Lao/Thai food and cold beer...and a warm bathroom. Yeehaaaa!! Did it matter that every beer was $5 per bottle - hell no! Did it matter that you got to hear every guy's bathroom story and the woes with his marriage - again, no! All that mattered is that we were warm; there was a one-holer; we had a place to stand and, we had beer. That is, until the beer ran out. NO??? YES!! They had to make an emergency run to Woodman's (not once, but I think twice) for whatever beer they could get their hands on - in fact, I really have no idea what I was drinking. I know it was Thai or Indian - maybe Elephant? I know I had at least one Singha. Again, does it matter?

As much as they wanted to cook and serve food, their business was all BAR today. And then when the beer ran out, people switched to wine. There was NO way I was going down that path. That truly is the path to destruction and I think you all would agree with that.

Now, when we entered the restaurant, we made a bee line for the rest room. And then we kinda hunkered down there.

No, that's not steam from the 'workout' that restroom was getting, it's my camera lens fogging up from being in the frigid temps. Really, it is.

Well, more people came in and were kinda milling around and then Barb looked at these two Michigan fans and said 'hey, $5 to use the bathroom.' Nope, they weren't buying. About 10 minutes later, the one kid said 'man, what I wouldn't do for a urinal right now.' Ok, right there, we realized that there was some confusion in the restaurant - all these guys that had come in and were 'milling' around thought we were in line for the restroom. HAHAHA!! In hindsight, we should have let it go, but we didn't. Barb then asked Mr. Michigan again 'do you have to go?' "YES!! Isn't this the line?" Ahhh, that would be a negative.


This is what two Wolverine fans look like when they need to go..really, really bad! Menacing!

So then it was a stampede for the rest room and it was funny! I started kinda monitoring the 'urgency' and tried to jockey dudes in position. How nice was that? And we even let the two Wolverine boys in and didn't make them pay. Mighty white, I know.

This is what two Wolverine fans look like 'after the rapture.' See the difference? Not so frightening now, huh?


Well, after this craziness is when the beer ran out so we were in hold mode. Barb and I decided to go pick on the Michigan boys because, well, that is what we do. Badger (get it) the opposition. They were wonderful kids and took the ribbing (is Ann Arbor really a wh*re?) all in stride.

Scott, Barb, me and Eric. One big happy, Big 10 family!!

We talked hockey (daaaa) and football (double daaaa) and just stupid. Good fun. Eric, my new attorney when I need one and Scott, who can assist with merchandising when this blog takes off, both ventured to Madison just for the game - from Michigan and Minnesota. We also ran into some dude who flew in from Phoenix for this game - he told us this as he was waiting in line for the loo. It's really amazing the things you learn about people while in line for the john?


This is after the beer supply had been replenished. Marc looks like a ravenous vulture, doesn't he?

Anyhow, beer arrived - one more and then it was time to hit the stadium. Man, that restaurant was nice - and warm - and it had beer. Camp Randall was cold and damp and dark and it had no beer. But it had hockey and that's why we were there! Awesome crowd. Lots of energy! So fun to be at Camp Randall again - last time I was here it was Halloween and we all know how that weekend went down (see ‘the importance of underwear at a GBP game’ blog from November 2nd).

Ok, see the 88 Richter sign on the upper deck? Go directly up to the second row from the top - yes, WAAAAAAYYY up there. That's where Barb and I sat with Lance and TJ on Halloween. And you wonder why we bailed at halftime... How the heck did we even get up there is a better question?

This is in between periods - what the hell is he cheering for? The Zamboni?

Badgers scored - then Michigan scored and then it kind of stood still. Too still.

This shot alarms me. Is that Kevin or Nanook of the North cuddling up to Marc? Yes Kevin, we know you were the warmest at this event with your 650 fill down coat - keep it up!

Seriously, has Kevin grown his beard around the hood of his jacket? Take a closer look at this? Someone call Guinness!!


After the second period, our husbands were no where to be found. When they did surface, they had had it and wanted to leave. Huhhhh? It's like we just got there. Barb and I were pretty content. But since Marc was driving and neither Barb or I had money or phones (I know - what were we thinking), we were forced to leave. Booo! Otherwise, had there been money and phones, we're pretty sure we would have been bugging Eric and Scott, our new Michigan friends, to continue the party while we sent the husbands home. Yeaaaa!!

Ok, I am still laughing about this. Of course it is staged but that's because we watched some drunken threesome 'charter' their way thru the unshoveled bleachers on the other side of the stadium prior to this. It took one of the guys 5 minutes to get up after piling it. And then another near digger. And another. And another. Danger kitty!! Barb and I were laughing like hyenas about this for an eternity. And it's still funny today!!!


By then, I was cold. It was like the buzz wore off and it was time to find heat.
Proof that we were indeed at the hockey game.

We then ended up at a restaurant with food and martinis and heat and hockey and all was well. And in the end, the Badgers prevailed and sealed the game with seconds left. What a fun thing to be part of!! I hope they decide to do it again at Lambeau like they did how many years ago - it's a good time!

So Sunday morning we hung out with the kids. Madeline and I taught Ben some new 'words' to add to his vocabulary.

#1 - treadmills and kids do NOT go together; #2 - this has trouble written all over it; #3 - note what is going on here - immediately after I took this, Ben piled it and slowly slid off the treadmill like a frozen pizza on a conveyor belt - it was a RIOT! I'm still laughing about that visual. Yes, I am a mean Aunt, but it was funny - those kids would have been laughing at me had I done it. Relax - no blood, no foul - he was fine. Just a little road rash on his cheek that will clear up in a few weeks. haha!

These two kids are going to be giants - they are. Madeline is all arms and legs and Ben is just a strong little sh(t. They are so fun to be around! Always lots of laughter with them.

Back to Pickett and then onto Appleton to watch the Super Bowl with Brenda and folks. Don't ask me why, but this game just didn't have the draw or the excitement as every other game this year has had (probably because #12 and #4 were no where to be found to stir up the pot of shenanigans). Kinda anticlimactic, perhaps? Wiseguys was not overly populated but Mike treated everyone GREAT with lots of free food. I went to the bar with the goal of not drinking, but could not resist a bloody mary and a few Bud Lite Limes (I'm telling you, I love those beer - they are just plain good!!).

Patti hates my camera and told me more than a few times were to place it. Huh?

Here, Lance is dissing my boy, Aaron Rodgers - again! It's like a poke to the eye with a stick- it just gets under my skin. I decide to choke the snot out of him.

Brenda tries to call her bookie and change her bet.

Amy and Nate - Amy and I were comparing notes as to the last time we were together at Wiseguys and both agreed that XX amount of shots was just plain wrong!!

Let’s face it, it was a defensive game and those are boring – thank goodness for the commercials. But could the game have ended any better? Good for the Saints! And amazingly enough, most everyone won some sort of $$ on pools that they were on. It was a golden day! NFC win – extra money in the pocket – free food – with lots of the same faces from the rest of the football season – it just seemed fitting to be there to say adieu to the 09/10 season. But let’s face it, does football ever really END in WI?

So now it is time to put away the military fatigues and all the Packer/Badger gear – time to think serious training and put away the can cooler and put down the fork. Easier said than done – but I’m going to try.

But wait, the Olympics start on Friday in the homeland to the north - that's a party in and of itself! So crack open a Molson, settle in and enjoy the gorgeous sights of Vancouver/Whistler/Blackcomb, BC - I'll bet $$ you will want to go there after you see what that area has to offer. Ohhhhhh, Ca - na - daaaaaaaaaa!!

Ohhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooo.......

...Mr. Bretttttttt!! What happened to your legs? And your arms? And your head??




Think of these two as members of the Saints linebacker unit. Enuf said.

GO SAINTS!!!

The return of the Jolly Rodgers in 2010...

Good bye Packer football - hello training season! It's time to get into shape and get motivated and prepped for the upcoming running/biking/swimming season! And it's time for the Jolly Rodgers to rise from the ashes. So, to kick the season off, a 'strategic planning' session/party was decreed.

I was anxious about the Jolly Rodgers party. This is a group of people who have met maybe once or twice before…not at all in some cases. And their significant others. And a smattering of ages. And, these are all serious athletes – bikers; runners; swimmers; triathletes (sprints to IM). Fine tuned – in shape - extreme athletes, in some cases. Or so I thought. Now, after the event, I can say that the majority are drunkards as well! What was there to be anxious about - these are my type of people! I’m afraid Packer tailgate parties have just morphed into Jolly Rodgers ‘strategic’ planning sessions – where nothing gets done and people drink and eat to excess. How did this happen?? Really, I was done with partying and sub par behavior after last week and ta daaaaaaa, here it was again…it’s following me!! Help! Run! Get it off of me!

Rick, Becky, Katie, Mitch, Angie and Kevin. I met Rick at triathlon class two years ago (very serious when he competes and always kicks butt) - Becky is his fiancee and she is an absolute joy (and our team massage therapist now); Katie rode Race the Lake last year and won second place in her age group - wooo wooo; I met Mitch at triathlon class last year and he also rode Race the Lake and is a giant - he's 6'7"...I wonder why my neck always hurts when I'm around him for any length of time; Angie is Mitch's wife - they have the cutest three children who love to go and cheer their daddy on; Kevin - you know him.

Stacy and Sara - I met these two lovely ladies at triathlon class two years ago and they have been in my life ever since. I cannot hold a candle to Stacy, the mayor of Oshkosh. And Sara, kicked our butts in the pool last year while very pregnant - it was that super human baby propulsion edge she had.

My thought process was that we’d chitty chat and kinda go over the business at hand (training; events we were participating in throughout the year; jersey discussion; yoga classes; coaching with Renne, etc.) and then proceed to the party. Unfortunately, the meeting part never seemed to come to fruition. I’d yell over the din and get a few responses. And then I’d ask another question – same thing. Then I mentioned the new waivers that you have to sign before doing any of the triathlons and no one but Rick and Katie took interest. I gave up! The scoundrels were onto drinking and eating and merriment. So much for my ‘strategic planning’ session of the night. But, we are pirates and have our own agendas so I guess nothing surprised me.

Angie and Mitch - absolutely wonderful people. Mitch is the one who asked immediately upon arriving on Saturday night if we were doing Sambuca shots. Well, well, well! Maybe Sambuca is going to be the year-round shot of choice? I think Angie is the real team leader here...as it should be!


Ryan and Suzi - who I met at triathlon class last year and their new baby, Julianna. Ryan did Race the Lake with us last year and partied with us after on Bechaud Beach (post Race the Lake headquarters). More great people!!

Dave and Michelle. I met Michelle two years ago at tri class. She is another one the 'girls' that have become a big part of my life. Sara, Stacy, Michelle and I - like to train; love to have a cocktail. Dave and Michelle have also surfaced at Packer games.

But that was ok because this was just a good, old fashioned party! And everyone knows that I love a party – especially when I get to cook and put it on. So I went all out. There was enough food to feed a small country – or a group of hungry athletes.

Becky, Rick, Stacy, Maurice (who rode with the Jolly Rodgers last year), David (Stacy's better half) and Greg (Maurice's better half who we are going to pester relentlessly until he does Race the Lake with us). I'm just going to say that this end of the kitchen island was definitely partying like rockstars. Maurice was worried about falling over the railing to the living room below. No accidents of any type to report. Whew!

And plenty o’ alcohol. I kinda knew something wasn’t right when I was at Festival Foods on Friday morning and I had not one; not two; not three, but four workers ‘comment’ on my cart contents. “Hmmm, you must be having a party?” “Can I come to your party?” “There aren’t going to be kids at this party?” Now what kind of comment was that last one? Stop looking at my stuff, would you?


The newest member of the Jolly Rodgers - Julianna and me, Captain Jack. Perhaps she'll be riding her big wheel in the kids race the day before Race the Lake this year??

Here's part of the entire crew! Aarrrrrrhhhh!!!

So lots of food; lots of beer; lots of wine; rum punch and a special shot.


Maurice was applying the Raspberry Honey Mustard Pretzel dip as 'cologne' behind his ears. More red wine, Mo?

Think of the last time you had rum punch – you were probably in the islands somewhere and normally, the rum they put in it is swill so you wake up with the WORST stinkin hangover in the world and you vow ‘I will never drink rum punch again.’ How could I not serve rum punch – especially with the loose pirate theme we were playing off. But I used better rum than swill. That would have been just rude.

Renne is our triathlon coach and an amazing athlete. The word 'driven' describes her to a T. Here, she explains to Michelle how rum punch did NOT make her run faster or stronger at High Cliff 1/2 Ironman last year. Michelle is doing Ironman Wisconsin (September 12th and we'll all be there) so she makes a note NOT to use rum punch as her hydration choice for that day. I think rum punch is a good idea for the rest of us though, on September 12th, don't you? I wish we had a team secretary to make notes.


Being the hostess, I also had to dress up. And in hindsight, I should have made it a costume party because most people said ‘why didn’t you tell us to dress up?’once I met them at the door. That’s the spirit I like. So the big old boots came out, white shirt, red sash; bandana; plastic knives (sad as it is, we had all the necessary costume accessories right here – that is sad, huh – but no surprise again). So I was all decked out and loving every minute of it. I like dressing like a pirate. Maybe I’ll start doing it when I begin my sales calls this spring…just to mix it up? Maybe? Maybe not?

Would you buy gourmet food from this woman? Stacy says hell yes!!

Everyone arrived almost together – as if on cue. I was impressed. And everyone brought MORE alcohol. Despite my pleas to bring nothing. So now we have wine and booze for another party down the road – but that one will have an agenda added to it. In fact, no booze will be served until the meeting is adjourned. Someone’s gottta be captain right? Katherine Buzzkill…clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.

Lots of laughs and good stories. Many replays of Race the Lake last year. Discussions on being bigger and better and BADDER this year. And then the ‘magic shot’ that I came up with. There is a new aged rum out there called “Pyrat.” Yup, you pronounce it PIRATE. How could I not get this? Seriously.

Katie and Stacy drool over the Pyrat rum. I told Katie we'd find her a 'pirate mate' for the season so I'm on the lookout for her. She'd like someone who looks like Johnny Depp - as opposed to John Wayne. So noted.

Well, it’s rum. It’s not spiced or coconut-y or anything like that. Just plain old rum. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. That kind of rum. It said to serve it with a twist of lemon. Well, I had lime – close enough.

Angie, Becky, Katie and Mitch - salut!!!

Sara tries to pawn off her 5th shot of Pyrat rum on Maurice. Michelle and Stacy and Greg and Jodi (another Race the Laker from last year) exert peer pressure. Maurice stands his ground and says NO WAY!!

So we distributed the ‘booty’ amongst the pirates and toasted to the Jolly Rodgers in 2010. Here is what people thought of my rum shot…

Sara likes it!! A lot! That's why she did five of these bad boys!


Stacy says 'it tastes like *ss.'


Maurice recalls his days of growing up in Trinidad & Tobago and remembers why he hates rum!

Well, after that shot, did it get LOUD. Really loud. I’m kinda glad it was winter and the windows were shut tight because you can hear people sneeze in our house if you’re standing on the road in front of it. There are no secrets here on Sam Crest Lane – especially at N9470. But loud always means a good time is being had by all.

David is Stacy's husband. He's been known to frequent Jim's County Line to play the now renowned 'fan game.' He likes the prizes as much as I do. Or so I'm told. This is after Stacy was doing handstands on my Bosu ball in my office. Nimble little minx, isn't she?

I was on my best behavior because I was the hostess and captain and all that jazz and I had to be sure everyone had whatever it was they needed.


Renne, our fearless leader, and her pupils. I think she's got her work cut out for her this year. Where did we take a wrong turn?

More rum punch? More food? Water? Another shot? Just tell me what you want, and I’ll do my darndest to get it for you.

Sara, Stacy and Michelle - the bag ladies. Leaving the party with their swag!

The discussion went from biking to running to football to family to Lady GaGa (this was later in the evening – imagine that?) to some folks talking in tongues or some Caribbean dialect as the night progressed. We discussed our places of employment and the oddities that occur there; discussed food; talked about how good my two girls were (Sadie and Sophie - they really are great party-going dogs) - no topic was off limits (except biking - hmmm?)

Boots on the floor! Boots on the floor! Kinda like 'pants on the ground?' Greg had a word with Stacy after this re: etiquette at a pirate party.

What was the best is that everyone kept a designated driver – bravo, bravo. Besides, they were in the middle of nowhere and were freaked out because we have no street lights here in Pickett and it was dark on Saturday night. The only thing that might accost you out here is a feral cat or some dude who looks like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. No wait, that’s Kevin with his beard – you’re all fine. No need to worry.

There are no words....

The last pirates vacated the premises around 11:30. Kevin, my party assistant, had been over-served and had to be at work at 8 am for a project deadline. HAHAHA! I learned the next day that a few other lowly deck hands were also feeling less than spectacular and spent the day on their sofas – getting bed sores. Success! My gauge is always if someone feels crappy, that is the sign of a good party.

So we’ll do it again and this time with a purpose. These are all fun and wonderful people and this group of pirates is going to be one kick *ss team come August 22nd. And we are ALWAYS looking for new recruits so please, spread the word!! But you gotta be fun!! That's our only requirement! Until then, everyone will be off with other activities this winter. Our first tentative event looks like the Paper Discovery Duathlon on May 2nd. Ahoy, the Jolly Rodgers will ride again!!!

I forgot the coffee beans...

I forgot the freakin coffee beans! How could I do that? It’s my fault the Packers lost. I FUMBLED!! I DIDN’T GET RID OF THE BALL FAST ENOUGH! I TOSSED THE INTERCEPTION. It’s all my fault!

Ok, you get the idea of this blog. I’m superstitious to a T and fretted for days on the ‘way’ Sunday should progress. Do I wear the #12 jersey (as that is customarily only for HOME games)? Do I wear the magic underwear? Do I wear the SAME outfit I’ve been wearing for how many late fall games? Do I do a shot of Sambuca? If so, it must have coffee beans. What sort of hat? Something new? Or an old stand by? Do you have any idea what goes into a big game like this? I’m sure the Packers weren’t as freaked out as I was. That’s just wrong! (Note, I did settle on the same old outfit that’s been working the last 8 weeks – superstitious, you bet!)

So the plan was to travel to an establishment in Appleton – the same establishment where I watched the first Packer/Viking game (and we know that outcome, so I questioned if going to this place was even a viable option). But, I also felt like you gotta exorcise those demons at some point. So, off to Wiseguys ( www.wiseguyspizzeria.com ) I travelled. Kevin, being smarter and wiser than I give him credit for, wanted absolutely nothing to do with my ‘game plan.’ Besides, he had an 8 pm hockey game and somehow knew that there was no way he’d make that if he were with me in Appleton (again, wise beyond his years…or his beard).

The usual suspects were at Wiseguys – Brenda, Stuart, Lance, Patty and then a smattering of ‘newbies’ – Nate, Amy, Brooke, etc. Odd, I heard many bars were not super busy – obviously, with it being a ‘school night’ most people opted to stay home and watch the big game. Hindsight is always 20/20, right?

Well, we were determined to will that win. And what better way to decree it, than with a Sambuca shot? Trent, our friendly bartender, had the black gold (yes, Sambuca does come in a thick, black version too if you’ve ever wondered) and then I realized my faux paux. NO COFFEE BEANS. I even said out loud on Sunday am – I am taking coffee beans with me. Well, they searched the kitchen at Wiseguys – no coffee beans…just coffee grounds. Nope, that would NOT do. Screw it, we would forego the Sambuca shot. Hindsight...I know.

Now, as this Sambuca 4 alarm was going off, Stuart said to me, and I quote, “I’m not doing any Sambuca shots or any shots at all – I gave them up in 2010 – no shots, my new years resolution.” Make note of this.

Everyone has their cocktails of choice; our numbers are set; choice seats in front of three tvs are secured – it’s time for kick-off. Everyone is pumped. There is Packer love everywhere. Woooo wooo!! Kick-off and then within seconds, I think I took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in lair of rattlesnakes! ‘ F*ing Rodgers!’ ‘If we lose, it’s his fault.’ ‘Rodgers, you CS’ (which did illicit an ‘easy buddy, you don’t want to go there with me, do you?’) Etc., etc., etc., Well, if you’re gonna go off on #12, get ready to rumble. So I spent the next few minutes calming the natives because I did feel this was going to be ok. Aaron was nervous – the whole team was nervous – they just needed to shake it off. Well, as you know, it went a little more ‘south’ after that first score and well, the natives continued to be less than hospitable. And who was I sitting next to, but good ol Stu! And good ol Stu was NOT in a good mood at all. “I’m leaving at halftime,” he said (as well as many other vivid descriptions and word choices to describe Aaron and the Packers and this and that). There is a reason that Brenda does not go to GBP games with Stuart – he takes it so serious and when the games go south, his mood goes south. Well, Sr. Mary Sunshine here was NOT going to have any of that today. Negative begets negative. So instead of leaving Stuart alone, I chose to pick on him. Visualize a bear in a cage…and me poking it with a stick. That’s how I took to Stuart. I continued to badger and spew positive affirmations at him. If Brenda didn’t love me, I think he would have taken me out and run me over with his truck. HAHAHA! It was worth it! Because guess what? All of a sudden, it started turning around.

Mike and Stuart are all smiles now that the Packer's have decided to show up and play.

Amy, Stu, Nate and Lance. Hey, we even let Nate stay despite his clothing choice.

Now, at Wiseguys, whenever the Packers score, you get a free shot (thank you, Mike). Right here, you should stop and go ‘oh oh – this is not good at all.’ Because, as you know, the Packers scored 7 times. That means 7 shots. That is NOT good on a school night. Heck, that isn’t good on any night. But, again Miss Positive, to the rescue. As the first platter of shots came around, I said to Stu, ‘if you don’t do this shot and they lose, it’s all your fault.’ I admit – that is just plain mean, but we needed to pull out all the stops today (but don't I say that for every Packer game?). Well, it didn’t take long and Stuart’s 2010 resolution was OUT THE WINDOW. Wooo wooo! Success! And then, another score and another shot. And then, yet another score and another shot. Oh yup, people were starting to feel that ‘positive energy.’

Patty hates my camera and has told me many times where I can 'place' it.



Before you know it, it’s halftime. By now, Stuart is NOT leaving. He has decided he’s going to eat $8 worth of pizza at the $5 pizza buffet. He’s cranking open a new beer and it’s almost like a new game was going to start. Brenda also brought along these goofy 'gummie eyeballs.' I'm not sure when, but one ended up in my water glass. As our bartendress was giving me a filler-up on h2o, I heard the gentleman next to me ask 'what is that?' Well, I decided he should join in the fun as well so I gave him not only one, but two of the gummie eyeballs.

If you see this man near your neighborhood, call the cops!!


Then, I decided to push the envelope a little more and told him to put those eyeballs on his ni**les and well, he obliged (how many times have I said that if you want something, you just ask). Ta daaaaaaaaaaaa! This alone is worth the price of admission. I'm so glad his wife/girlfriend was enjoying the antics as much as I was. Not so sure of the rest of the bar, but who cares - go make your own fun!



Speechless.


A few years back, there was a playoff game at Lambeau – against Seattle (not the snowy one either – I think it was 2004). Anyhow, that game went into overtime and I just couldn’t watch – I would run into the concourse whenever a play would occur. Then run back in to see what happened. Marc and Barb and Kevin and the rest of this section caught onto my ‘antics’ and started telling me when it was safe to come back in. Hey, it was working! And guess what – it totally worked. That’s when Marc and crew were yelling the now ‘infamous’ - “Pick It! Pick It!” (Or, as I like to spell it, PICKETT! PICKETT!). And I believe Al Harris did just that to win the game in OT. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures and I decided that I needed to pull that out again. Whenever the Pack was in at offense in the second half on Sunday, I would pull my hat over my eyes, drop my head between my knees and plug my ears - while holding my middle finger and thumb together to pray. Again, can I say it started working? So in between this body position and then celebrating with high fives and hugs and screams (Stuart should be deaf in his left ear for a few days and have bruises all over his left bicep from me pounding on him) and yells, oh, and then more shots, I really don’t remember much of the second half. But it didn’t matter, did it? Because they were coming back with a VENGEANCE! The energy was electric!

Poor Brooke - she's new to this group of banchees. I think she was texting her mom to come and save her from us. I don't blame her in the least.

Tied up with seconds to go. I could not wait – I made a dash for the rest area. Oh man, I had to hurry and get back to my chair. Well, I flew out of the rest room and something, I don’t know what, made me say to myself, ‘Rackers is gonna miss this field goal’ and as I came sprinting into the bar area, that is EXACTLY what he did. OMG!!! Overtime. The most amazing comeback in playoff history. All the naysaying and hateful crap was forgotten. All the trash talk about #12 was forgiven. New game, baby!

Mike, coming up with his next 'shot du jour' for the Packer faithful.

Now, there’s one thing I have neglected to mention. Throughout the game, the directv or whatever cable channel they had at the bar, would go ‘out’ for a few minutes. Just goofy digitized images – no sound – no image. This happened a few times during the game. And then, as if on cue, it happened again. On the fourth play of overtime. The bar fell silent and everyone tried to figure out just ‘what’ had happened. Well, soon enough, we got our answer. Complete shock. Disbelief. Huhhhh? (For me, I was in total denial until 7 am on Monday morning, when Kevin found me draped across the kitchen island - moaning ever so softly– until he lifted my head off the Corian to see if I was conscious or comatose).
NOT AGAIN! This happened…two years ago…January 20th….Lambeau freakin Field. NO! NOT AGAIN! NOOOOOOOOO!!! Uggg. I drew my hat back over my eyes and my head flopped back into my lap. Noooooooo!!

The first thing out of Brenda's mouth after the game was 'Go Brett.' Not even a second passed and there's that name again. Why? Why? Why?

Then Stu, who had been such a ‘model’ GBP fan for the past three hours, made the mistake of dissing Aaron again. The line had been crossed. I could not, and would not, remain silent. I whined to Brenda…”Stuart’s being mean.” Brenda said, “Hit him in the b*lls.” No, I couldn’t, could I? Well, she grabbed him first and I thought, ‘you’re darn tootin I could!’ So throughout the next hour or more Stuart took his share of kicks and hits to the nut sack (and as we’ve discussed in prior blogs, nothing is funnier than when someone gets hit in the marble sack); pinches to the inner thighs, and countless other attacks. It was like a WWE match broke out in the bar area of Wiseguys – between Disco Stu and Mrs. Aaron Rodgers. Bar stools were flying; stuff was thrown about; wrestling moves were maneuvered; I considered biting him at one point (but he is a solicitor and lord knows what I would have caught), so common sense prevailed in this case. Obviously, the Packer loss had NOT sunk in because fun was yet to be had. Party on, Garth!


I'm just going to let you go thru the sequence here. This is like 30 seconds out of the match. How old are we?




Finally, a tag team partner intervened for me to deliver the final, crushing blow!!


Anyhow, I knew it was time to leave once Lance and Brooke returned to the bar AFTER going to see a movie after the game. “You’re still here?’ Lance asked Brenda. Then my phone rang and it was Kevin – “I’m done with hockey…where are you?” Oh oh! Time to exit…stage right. We all exchanged hugs and high fives and congratulations on an exciting season – and ended it with…wait until this fall!!

So now, I am left to put away all the Packer gear. The ceremonial washing and retiring of the #12 jersey (again, with hopes that I’ll be able to squeeze into that boys medium come September); stashing the tailgate box and remaining Sambuca; putting away the Packer duffle that is maxed out with hats and clothes and cheese bras and cat in the hat hat and pompons and you name it. Time to put away the Packer tree. Just time to let go of the past and be happy with how the season unfolded. But, just think what ‘could have’ happened had the officials really shown up for the game? With that said, I’ve decided that ALL the NFL officials need to go and they need to start fresh. They are getting lax and lazy and it’s time to clean house. So, watch for my new website to be up and running soon - www.nflofficialssuck.com - I hope you’ll sign the petition so we can let the commissioner know that we aren’t going to tolerate these haphazard black and white striped clowns. Enough is enough. It’s time to get more officials on the field (with up to date glasses or contact lenses) – impose a retirement age (yes, Grandpa Munster needs to give it up) – hire women refs out there (and you know this is past due…way past due) – and microchip the ball (for pete’s sake – it’s 2010 – get with the times), Or, do away with refs all together and call the game from the booth. They really don’t have any redeeming quality anymore, do they? Think about it. Ahhh, can you tell I’m feeling better already? Thank you Pack for a FUN season.

Now, the question needs to be asked….WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FOR THE NEXT 7 MONTHS?? Do not fear – we’ve got the playoffs yet to deal with and BRETT (already good stuff in the works here, people); the re-emergence of the now infamous JOLLY RODGERS biking/running/triathlon/drinking team as we expand and grow and participate in our 2010 'strategic planning session' this coming weekend; outdoor Badger Hockey at Camp Randall on February 6th (go to it – it’s gonna be fun); Super Bowl; winter skate skiing and snow shoeing; and then my about/face as I jump into triathlon class and preparing for the…Green Bay ½ Marathon on May 16th at, you know where, Lambeau Field; other runs; summer boating fun; Race the Lake on August 22nd and then, before you know it, we'll be back to talking football again! Same sh*t – different day. Weeee!! Jump on the bandwagon with me! You know you want to! Do it - it will be fun! Or at least go buy some gummi eyeballs and make your own fun for the next few months!