Ohhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooo.......

...Mr. Bretttttttt!! What happened to your legs? And your arms? And your head??




Think of these two as members of the Saints linebacker unit. Enuf said.

GO SAINTS!!!

The return of the Jolly Rodgers in 2010...

Good bye Packer football - hello training season! It's time to get into shape and get motivated and prepped for the upcoming running/biking/swimming season! And it's time for the Jolly Rodgers to rise from the ashes. So, to kick the season off, a 'strategic planning' session/party was decreed.

I was anxious about the Jolly Rodgers party. This is a group of people who have met maybe once or twice before…not at all in some cases. And their significant others. And a smattering of ages. And, these are all serious athletes – bikers; runners; swimmers; triathletes (sprints to IM). Fine tuned – in shape - extreme athletes, in some cases. Or so I thought. Now, after the event, I can say that the majority are drunkards as well! What was there to be anxious about - these are my type of people! I’m afraid Packer tailgate parties have just morphed into Jolly Rodgers ‘strategic’ planning sessions – where nothing gets done and people drink and eat to excess. How did this happen?? Really, I was done with partying and sub par behavior after last week and ta daaaaaaa, here it was again…it’s following me!! Help! Run! Get it off of me!

Rick, Becky, Katie, Mitch, Angie and Kevin. I met Rick at triathlon class two years ago (very serious when he competes and always kicks butt) - Becky is his fiancee and she is an absolute joy (and our team massage therapist now); Katie rode Race the Lake last year and won second place in her age group - wooo wooo; I met Mitch at triathlon class last year and he also rode Race the Lake and is a giant - he's 6'7"...I wonder why my neck always hurts when I'm around him for any length of time; Angie is Mitch's wife - they have the cutest three children who love to go and cheer their daddy on; Kevin - you know him.

Stacy and Sara - I met these two lovely ladies at triathlon class two years ago and they have been in my life ever since. I cannot hold a candle to Stacy, the mayor of Oshkosh. And Sara, kicked our butts in the pool last year while very pregnant - it was that super human baby propulsion edge she had.

My thought process was that we’d chitty chat and kinda go over the business at hand (training; events we were participating in throughout the year; jersey discussion; yoga classes; coaching with Renne, etc.) and then proceed to the party. Unfortunately, the meeting part never seemed to come to fruition. I’d yell over the din and get a few responses. And then I’d ask another question – same thing. Then I mentioned the new waivers that you have to sign before doing any of the triathlons and no one but Rick and Katie took interest. I gave up! The scoundrels were onto drinking and eating and merriment. So much for my ‘strategic planning’ session of the night. But, we are pirates and have our own agendas so I guess nothing surprised me.

Angie and Mitch - absolutely wonderful people. Mitch is the one who asked immediately upon arriving on Saturday night if we were doing Sambuca shots. Well, well, well! Maybe Sambuca is going to be the year-round shot of choice? I think Angie is the real team leader here...as it should be!


Ryan and Suzi - who I met at triathlon class last year and their new baby, Julianna. Ryan did Race the Lake with us last year and partied with us after on Bechaud Beach (post Race the Lake headquarters). More great people!!

Dave and Michelle. I met Michelle two years ago at tri class. She is another one the 'girls' that have become a big part of my life. Sara, Stacy, Michelle and I - like to train; love to have a cocktail. Dave and Michelle have also surfaced at Packer games.

But that was ok because this was just a good, old fashioned party! And everyone knows that I love a party – especially when I get to cook and put it on. So I went all out. There was enough food to feed a small country – or a group of hungry athletes.

Becky, Rick, Stacy, Maurice (who rode with the Jolly Rodgers last year), David (Stacy's better half) and Greg (Maurice's better half who we are going to pester relentlessly until he does Race the Lake with us). I'm just going to say that this end of the kitchen island was definitely partying like rockstars. Maurice was worried about falling over the railing to the living room below. No accidents of any type to report. Whew!

And plenty o’ alcohol. I kinda knew something wasn’t right when I was at Festival Foods on Friday morning and I had not one; not two; not three, but four workers ‘comment’ on my cart contents. “Hmmm, you must be having a party?” “Can I come to your party?” “There aren’t going to be kids at this party?” Now what kind of comment was that last one? Stop looking at my stuff, would you?


The newest member of the Jolly Rodgers - Julianna and me, Captain Jack. Perhaps she'll be riding her big wheel in the kids race the day before Race the Lake this year??

Here's part of the entire crew! Aarrrrrrhhhh!!!

So lots of food; lots of beer; lots of wine; rum punch and a special shot.


Maurice was applying the Raspberry Honey Mustard Pretzel dip as 'cologne' behind his ears. More red wine, Mo?

Think of the last time you had rum punch – you were probably in the islands somewhere and normally, the rum they put in it is swill so you wake up with the WORST stinkin hangover in the world and you vow ‘I will never drink rum punch again.’ How could I not serve rum punch – especially with the loose pirate theme we were playing off. But I used better rum than swill. That would have been just rude.

Renne is our triathlon coach and an amazing athlete. The word 'driven' describes her to a T. Here, she explains to Michelle how rum punch did NOT make her run faster or stronger at High Cliff 1/2 Ironman last year. Michelle is doing Ironman Wisconsin (September 12th and we'll all be there) so she makes a note NOT to use rum punch as her hydration choice for that day. I think rum punch is a good idea for the rest of us though, on September 12th, don't you? I wish we had a team secretary to make notes.


Being the hostess, I also had to dress up. And in hindsight, I should have made it a costume party because most people said ‘why didn’t you tell us to dress up?’once I met them at the door. That’s the spirit I like. So the big old boots came out, white shirt, red sash; bandana; plastic knives (sad as it is, we had all the necessary costume accessories right here – that is sad, huh – but no surprise again). So I was all decked out and loving every minute of it. I like dressing like a pirate. Maybe I’ll start doing it when I begin my sales calls this spring…just to mix it up? Maybe? Maybe not?

Would you buy gourmet food from this woman? Stacy says hell yes!!

Everyone arrived almost together – as if on cue. I was impressed. And everyone brought MORE alcohol. Despite my pleas to bring nothing. So now we have wine and booze for another party down the road – but that one will have an agenda added to it. In fact, no booze will be served until the meeting is adjourned. Someone’s gottta be captain right? Katherine Buzzkill…clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.

Lots of laughs and good stories. Many replays of Race the Lake last year. Discussions on being bigger and better and BADDER this year. And then the ‘magic shot’ that I came up with. There is a new aged rum out there called “Pyrat.” Yup, you pronounce it PIRATE. How could I not get this? Seriously.

Katie and Stacy drool over the Pyrat rum. I told Katie we'd find her a 'pirate mate' for the season so I'm on the lookout for her. She'd like someone who looks like Johnny Depp - as opposed to John Wayne. So noted.

Well, it’s rum. It’s not spiced or coconut-y or anything like that. Just plain old rum. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. That kind of rum. It said to serve it with a twist of lemon. Well, I had lime – close enough.

Angie, Becky, Katie and Mitch - salut!!!

Sara tries to pawn off her 5th shot of Pyrat rum on Maurice. Michelle and Stacy and Greg and Jodi (another Race the Laker from last year) exert peer pressure. Maurice stands his ground and says NO WAY!!

So we distributed the ‘booty’ amongst the pirates and toasted to the Jolly Rodgers in 2010. Here is what people thought of my rum shot…

Sara likes it!! A lot! That's why she did five of these bad boys!


Stacy says 'it tastes like *ss.'


Maurice recalls his days of growing up in Trinidad & Tobago and remembers why he hates rum!

Well, after that shot, did it get LOUD. Really loud. I’m kinda glad it was winter and the windows were shut tight because you can hear people sneeze in our house if you’re standing on the road in front of it. There are no secrets here on Sam Crest Lane – especially at N9470. But loud always means a good time is being had by all.

David is Stacy's husband. He's been known to frequent Jim's County Line to play the now renowned 'fan game.' He likes the prizes as much as I do. Or so I'm told. This is after Stacy was doing handstands on my Bosu ball in my office. Nimble little minx, isn't she?

I was on my best behavior because I was the hostess and captain and all that jazz and I had to be sure everyone had whatever it was they needed.


Renne, our fearless leader, and her pupils. I think she's got her work cut out for her this year. Where did we take a wrong turn?

More rum punch? More food? Water? Another shot? Just tell me what you want, and I’ll do my darndest to get it for you.

Sara, Stacy and Michelle - the bag ladies. Leaving the party with their swag!

The discussion went from biking to running to football to family to Lady GaGa (this was later in the evening – imagine that?) to some folks talking in tongues or some Caribbean dialect as the night progressed. We discussed our places of employment and the oddities that occur there; discussed food; talked about how good my two girls were (Sadie and Sophie - they really are great party-going dogs) - no topic was off limits (except biking - hmmm?)

Boots on the floor! Boots on the floor! Kinda like 'pants on the ground?' Greg had a word with Stacy after this re: etiquette at a pirate party.

What was the best is that everyone kept a designated driver – bravo, bravo. Besides, they were in the middle of nowhere and were freaked out because we have no street lights here in Pickett and it was dark on Saturday night. The only thing that might accost you out here is a feral cat or some dude who looks like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. No wait, that’s Kevin with his beard – you’re all fine. No need to worry.

There are no words....

The last pirates vacated the premises around 11:30. Kevin, my party assistant, had been over-served and had to be at work at 8 am for a project deadline. HAHAHA! I learned the next day that a few other lowly deck hands were also feeling less than spectacular and spent the day on their sofas – getting bed sores. Success! My gauge is always if someone feels crappy, that is the sign of a good party.

So we’ll do it again and this time with a purpose. These are all fun and wonderful people and this group of pirates is going to be one kick *ss team come August 22nd. And we are ALWAYS looking for new recruits so please, spread the word!! But you gotta be fun!! That's our only requirement! Until then, everyone will be off with other activities this winter. Our first tentative event looks like the Paper Discovery Duathlon on May 2nd. Ahoy, the Jolly Rodgers will ride again!!!

I forgot the coffee beans...

I forgot the freakin coffee beans! How could I do that? It’s my fault the Packers lost. I FUMBLED!! I DIDN’T GET RID OF THE BALL FAST ENOUGH! I TOSSED THE INTERCEPTION. It’s all my fault!

Ok, you get the idea of this blog. I’m superstitious to a T and fretted for days on the ‘way’ Sunday should progress. Do I wear the #12 jersey (as that is customarily only for HOME games)? Do I wear the magic underwear? Do I wear the SAME outfit I’ve been wearing for how many late fall games? Do I do a shot of Sambuca? If so, it must have coffee beans. What sort of hat? Something new? Or an old stand by? Do you have any idea what goes into a big game like this? I’m sure the Packers weren’t as freaked out as I was. That’s just wrong! (Note, I did settle on the same old outfit that’s been working the last 8 weeks – superstitious, you bet!)

So the plan was to travel to an establishment in Appleton – the same establishment where I watched the first Packer/Viking game (and we know that outcome, so I questioned if going to this place was even a viable option). But, I also felt like you gotta exorcise those demons at some point. So, off to Wiseguys ( www.wiseguyspizzeria.com ) I travelled. Kevin, being smarter and wiser than I give him credit for, wanted absolutely nothing to do with my ‘game plan.’ Besides, he had an 8 pm hockey game and somehow knew that there was no way he’d make that if he were with me in Appleton (again, wise beyond his years…or his beard).

The usual suspects were at Wiseguys – Brenda, Stuart, Lance, Patty and then a smattering of ‘newbies’ – Nate, Amy, Brooke, etc. Odd, I heard many bars were not super busy – obviously, with it being a ‘school night’ most people opted to stay home and watch the big game. Hindsight is always 20/20, right?

Well, we were determined to will that win. And what better way to decree it, than with a Sambuca shot? Trent, our friendly bartender, had the black gold (yes, Sambuca does come in a thick, black version too if you’ve ever wondered) and then I realized my faux paux. NO COFFEE BEANS. I even said out loud on Sunday am – I am taking coffee beans with me. Well, they searched the kitchen at Wiseguys – no coffee beans…just coffee grounds. Nope, that would NOT do. Screw it, we would forego the Sambuca shot. Hindsight...I know.

Now, as this Sambuca 4 alarm was going off, Stuart said to me, and I quote, “I’m not doing any Sambuca shots or any shots at all – I gave them up in 2010 – no shots, my new years resolution.” Make note of this.

Everyone has their cocktails of choice; our numbers are set; choice seats in front of three tvs are secured – it’s time for kick-off. Everyone is pumped. There is Packer love everywhere. Woooo wooo!! Kick-off and then within seconds, I think I took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in lair of rattlesnakes! ‘ F*ing Rodgers!’ ‘If we lose, it’s his fault.’ ‘Rodgers, you CS’ (which did illicit an ‘easy buddy, you don’t want to go there with me, do you?’) Etc., etc., etc., Well, if you’re gonna go off on #12, get ready to rumble. So I spent the next few minutes calming the natives because I did feel this was going to be ok. Aaron was nervous – the whole team was nervous – they just needed to shake it off. Well, as you know, it went a little more ‘south’ after that first score and well, the natives continued to be less than hospitable. And who was I sitting next to, but good ol Stu! And good ol Stu was NOT in a good mood at all. “I’m leaving at halftime,” he said (as well as many other vivid descriptions and word choices to describe Aaron and the Packers and this and that). There is a reason that Brenda does not go to GBP games with Stuart – he takes it so serious and when the games go south, his mood goes south. Well, Sr. Mary Sunshine here was NOT going to have any of that today. Negative begets negative. So instead of leaving Stuart alone, I chose to pick on him. Visualize a bear in a cage…and me poking it with a stick. That’s how I took to Stuart. I continued to badger and spew positive affirmations at him. If Brenda didn’t love me, I think he would have taken me out and run me over with his truck. HAHAHA! It was worth it! Because guess what? All of a sudden, it started turning around.

Mike and Stuart are all smiles now that the Packer's have decided to show up and play.

Amy, Stu, Nate and Lance. Hey, we even let Nate stay despite his clothing choice.

Now, at Wiseguys, whenever the Packers score, you get a free shot (thank you, Mike). Right here, you should stop and go ‘oh oh – this is not good at all.’ Because, as you know, the Packers scored 7 times. That means 7 shots. That is NOT good on a school night. Heck, that isn’t good on any night. But, again Miss Positive, to the rescue. As the first platter of shots came around, I said to Stu, ‘if you don’t do this shot and they lose, it’s all your fault.’ I admit – that is just plain mean, but we needed to pull out all the stops today (but don't I say that for every Packer game?). Well, it didn’t take long and Stuart’s 2010 resolution was OUT THE WINDOW. Wooo wooo! Success! And then, another score and another shot. And then, yet another score and another shot. Oh yup, people were starting to feel that ‘positive energy.’

Patty hates my camera and has told me many times where I can 'place' it.



Before you know it, it’s halftime. By now, Stuart is NOT leaving. He has decided he’s going to eat $8 worth of pizza at the $5 pizza buffet. He’s cranking open a new beer and it’s almost like a new game was going to start. Brenda also brought along these goofy 'gummie eyeballs.' I'm not sure when, but one ended up in my water glass. As our bartendress was giving me a filler-up on h2o, I heard the gentleman next to me ask 'what is that?' Well, I decided he should join in the fun as well so I gave him not only one, but two of the gummie eyeballs.

If you see this man near your neighborhood, call the cops!!


Then, I decided to push the envelope a little more and told him to put those eyeballs on his ni**les and well, he obliged (how many times have I said that if you want something, you just ask). Ta daaaaaaaaaaaa! This alone is worth the price of admission. I'm so glad his wife/girlfriend was enjoying the antics as much as I was. Not so sure of the rest of the bar, but who cares - go make your own fun!



Speechless.


A few years back, there was a playoff game at Lambeau – against Seattle (not the snowy one either – I think it was 2004). Anyhow, that game went into overtime and I just couldn’t watch – I would run into the concourse whenever a play would occur. Then run back in to see what happened. Marc and Barb and Kevin and the rest of this section caught onto my ‘antics’ and started telling me when it was safe to come back in. Hey, it was working! And guess what – it totally worked. That’s when Marc and crew were yelling the now ‘infamous’ - “Pick It! Pick It!” (Or, as I like to spell it, PICKETT! PICKETT!). And I believe Al Harris did just that to win the game in OT. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures and I decided that I needed to pull that out again. Whenever the Pack was in at offense in the second half on Sunday, I would pull my hat over my eyes, drop my head between my knees and plug my ears - while holding my middle finger and thumb together to pray. Again, can I say it started working? So in between this body position and then celebrating with high fives and hugs and screams (Stuart should be deaf in his left ear for a few days and have bruises all over his left bicep from me pounding on him) and yells, oh, and then more shots, I really don’t remember much of the second half. But it didn’t matter, did it? Because they were coming back with a VENGEANCE! The energy was electric!

Poor Brooke - she's new to this group of banchees. I think she was texting her mom to come and save her from us. I don't blame her in the least.

Tied up with seconds to go. I could not wait – I made a dash for the rest area. Oh man, I had to hurry and get back to my chair. Well, I flew out of the rest room and something, I don’t know what, made me say to myself, ‘Rackers is gonna miss this field goal’ and as I came sprinting into the bar area, that is EXACTLY what he did. OMG!!! Overtime. The most amazing comeback in playoff history. All the naysaying and hateful crap was forgotten. All the trash talk about #12 was forgiven. New game, baby!

Mike, coming up with his next 'shot du jour' for the Packer faithful.

Now, there’s one thing I have neglected to mention. Throughout the game, the directv or whatever cable channel they had at the bar, would go ‘out’ for a few minutes. Just goofy digitized images – no sound – no image. This happened a few times during the game. And then, as if on cue, it happened again. On the fourth play of overtime. The bar fell silent and everyone tried to figure out just ‘what’ had happened. Well, soon enough, we got our answer. Complete shock. Disbelief. Huhhhh? (For me, I was in total denial until 7 am on Monday morning, when Kevin found me draped across the kitchen island - moaning ever so softly– until he lifted my head off the Corian to see if I was conscious or comatose).
NOT AGAIN! This happened…two years ago…January 20th….Lambeau freakin Field. NO! NOT AGAIN! NOOOOOOOOO!!! Uggg. I drew my hat back over my eyes and my head flopped back into my lap. Noooooooo!!

The first thing out of Brenda's mouth after the game was 'Go Brett.' Not even a second passed and there's that name again. Why? Why? Why?

Then Stu, who had been such a ‘model’ GBP fan for the past three hours, made the mistake of dissing Aaron again. The line had been crossed. I could not, and would not, remain silent. I whined to Brenda…”Stuart’s being mean.” Brenda said, “Hit him in the b*lls.” No, I couldn’t, could I? Well, she grabbed him first and I thought, ‘you’re darn tootin I could!’ So throughout the next hour or more Stuart took his share of kicks and hits to the nut sack (and as we’ve discussed in prior blogs, nothing is funnier than when someone gets hit in the marble sack); pinches to the inner thighs, and countless other attacks. It was like a WWE match broke out in the bar area of Wiseguys – between Disco Stu and Mrs. Aaron Rodgers. Bar stools were flying; stuff was thrown about; wrestling moves were maneuvered; I considered biting him at one point (but he is a solicitor and lord knows what I would have caught), so common sense prevailed in this case. Obviously, the Packer loss had NOT sunk in because fun was yet to be had. Party on, Garth!


I'm just going to let you go thru the sequence here. This is like 30 seconds out of the match. How old are we?




Finally, a tag team partner intervened for me to deliver the final, crushing blow!!


Anyhow, I knew it was time to leave once Lance and Brooke returned to the bar AFTER going to see a movie after the game. “You’re still here?’ Lance asked Brenda. Then my phone rang and it was Kevin – “I’m done with hockey…where are you?” Oh oh! Time to exit…stage right. We all exchanged hugs and high fives and congratulations on an exciting season – and ended it with…wait until this fall!!

So now, I am left to put away all the Packer gear. The ceremonial washing and retiring of the #12 jersey (again, with hopes that I’ll be able to squeeze into that boys medium come September); stashing the tailgate box and remaining Sambuca; putting away the Packer duffle that is maxed out with hats and clothes and cheese bras and cat in the hat hat and pompons and you name it. Time to put away the Packer tree. Just time to let go of the past and be happy with how the season unfolded. But, just think what ‘could have’ happened had the officials really shown up for the game? With that said, I’ve decided that ALL the NFL officials need to go and they need to start fresh. They are getting lax and lazy and it’s time to clean house. So, watch for my new website to be up and running soon - www.nflofficialssuck.com - I hope you’ll sign the petition so we can let the commissioner know that we aren’t going to tolerate these haphazard black and white striped clowns. Enough is enough. It’s time to get more officials on the field (with up to date glasses or contact lenses) – impose a retirement age (yes, Grandpa Munster needs to give it up) – hire women refs out there (and you know this is past due…way past due) – and microchip the ball (for pete’s sake – it’s 2010 – get with the times), Or, do away with refs all together and call the game from the booth. They really don’t have any redeeming quality anymore, do they? Think about it. Ahhh, can you tell I’m feeling better already? Thank you Pack for a FUN season.

Now, the question needs to be asked….WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FOR THE NEXT 7 MONTHS?? Do not fear – we’ve got the playoffs yet to deal with and BRETT (already good stuff in the works here, people); the re-emergence of the now infamous JOLLY RODGERS biking/running/triathlon/drinking team as we expand and grow and participate in our 2010 'strategic planning session' this coming weekend; outdoor Badger Hockey at Camp Randall on February 6th (go to it – it’s gonna be fun); Super Bowl; winter skate skiing and snow shoeing; and then my about/face as I jump into triathlon class and preparing for the…Green Bay ½ Marathon on May 16th at, you know where, Lambeau Field; other runs; summer boating fun; Race the Lake on August 22nd and then, before you know it, we'll be back to talking football again! Same sh*t – different day. Weeee!! Jump on the bandwagon with me! You know you want to! Do it - it will be fun! Or at least go buy some gummi eyeballs and make your own fun for the next few months!