Cover me! I'm going in!

I think we finally have the recipe perfected for a Packer win. Seriously. It involves Sambuca. No Sambuca = Packer loss. Plentiful Sambuca = Packer win. It really is that simple. Forget the 3-4 defense and the PR sh*t storm that brewed at 1265 last week – it all depends on Sambuca. I’m convinced of it. Oh, and Naked Juice. My six year old niece, Madeline, had some Green Machine Naked Juice with me on Sunday prior to the game and put a ‘spell’ on it for a Packer win so she’s got her thing and I’ve got mine. It’s all good!

So let’s go back two weeks – the Viking game. This is the game I wore shorts to and the game that I mooned the Viqueens team bus (kidding). Anyhow, after that pathetic display, I knew that I had to mix some stuff up. First off, no shorts. I think I still have frostbite from that stupid weekend. For some reason, I really, really wanted camo military pants. I just did. Kind of a ‘going into battle’ theme because let’s face it, the Packers lose, their season is finito! So I found exactly what I was looking for at the old Army Navy Surplus in Fond du Lac on Saturday. Check that off the list – so now, I not only have sweet clothes, but pockets to put everything I will ever need to go to a game at lambeau. No more purse carrying – these cargo pockets could fit a small child if necessary. And they are waterproof (which I found out during JUMP AROUND when someone tossed a beer onto me – like water off a duck’s back, baby – go ahead, spill your drinks on me – I’m covered!). So the outfit is set, but the hair – what to do with the mop this week. Since I was ‘going in’ with the military theme, I thought it a good idea to soften it up with PIGTAILS. Nothing says ‘I’m gonna kick your *ss’ like camo trousers and pigtails, right? Well, it worked. And, even though I was mad at Aaron last week, I have since fallen back in love so you know that #12 jersey is going to stick like glue for the rest of the season. The Sambuca/camo/pigtail/#12 combo is the winning ticket for the rest of the season. Rock on! Go Pack!

This game was a Milwaukee ticket holder game. Thus, Kevin and I were invited to go to the game with Barb and Marc, my sis and bro in law. For some reason, this is always a recipe for disaster. Someone most always gets over served. I really wanted Marc in my cross hairs this time – I need some dirt for the holidays as they are fast approaching. Alas, I think Marc and I ended up in a tie this time around. And I hate when that happens. Fortunately, the camera, and thus the evidence is all in my hands. Whew!

We depart Pickett promptly at 11:15 am. I text our parking attendant friend, Matt, to tell him we are en route – save my favorite spot. He texts back – I’m not working! EEEKKK!!! But, our other good buddy, Brian, is. So when we arrive we find Brian and he puts us exactly where we like to be. Arrival at the lot on Valley View Road is at 12:25. That Ford F150 doesn’t haul *ss like the mustang – note to self. Anyhow, we promptly set up and John and the ‘brothers’ arrive to start the shenanigans. They have been at their annual brothers' weekend and now were going to take in a game at la la la lambeau. These boys have been going to games for many years. And they still let them in! Impressive! Barb, John and Commando K - ready to fight the good fight for the green and gold.
Mike, Tom, Pat and John - some of the nicest brothers you will ever meet. Their parents done good - real good!!

Now, I didn’t even toss the pigskin around this time – I’m a little disappointed because that is kinda a highlight. You always think you have so much time once you get there but it just flies. As did this day. So a few beers – some snacks. This time brats were on the agenda – and not tofu ones like I threatened. I would never do that to you, my friends. I wouldn’t. And then the Sambuca came out…as well as the three coffee beans for ‘luck.’ And trust me, the vibe was kind of weird at Lambeau. As everyone knew, if the Pack lost, that would pretty much put the nail in the coffin for the season – if they won, they’d live to fight another day. Hesitant is the word I will use. But the weather, can I just say PERFECT for tailgating – it doesn’t get much better on November 15th people. Absolutely gorgeous. Sun, no wind, cold beer, good friends, Lambeau Field – you get the gist. Nirvana!!


My brother in law, Marc, LOVES to pick on me. He knows how much I heart #12. He couldn't resist digging a little with this clip from last week's WI State Journal. Why is everyone always picking on #12? Come on! Cut it out!

Here, Marc mimics the photo. I should have kicked him in the groin so he really felt the pain. Man, I'm losing my touch! PS - Marc, you look NOTHING like Aaron. He's young and hot...you're older and moldier.

As is the case, the closer it gets to game time, the sillier the behavior. We aren’t going to pass this way again so you need to live in the moment and live that moment well (ok, so there’s a game next week but it just sounded so prophetic…not pathetic…prophetic). Mary calls and makes her way to the tailgate to say hi and to generate some positive Packer energy.

Mary brings a sense of style and class to our tailgate party. She always does! She was on her BEST behavior this day because last game...well, let's just say Mary was in the dog house after the Lions game. Bravo! She gets an A!

Mike and Mark venture over. Michelle and Dave make it to the tailgate. D Roc and his buddy show up. They seemed a little frightened of our group and I can’t say I blame them. But when you’re at Lambeau, you’re among friends.

Dave, Barb, Brian...the best parking attendant at Lambeau, me, Michelle, Marc - same old, same old. But it's still funny!! Sambuca!!

Barb and D Roc and D Roc's buddy. Really, we have no idea their names, but does it matter?

I love the bottle placement, Barb. Awesome! A for creativity!

They did a Sambuca shot and had a beer before we confused the heck out of them as to which entrance to take to get to their seats. At first they believed Barb. Then they said I sounded like I knew what the skinny was – then they changed their mind. Anyhow, after deliberation, they took my advice – only to get kicked out of line because the stadium seating they brought along was NOT allowed in. Too big. So we decided to compare the two seats. See below. You’ll get the picture.

This is the regulation size seat you can bring into Lambeau. What the??

What's wrong with this picture?

Here's what I think is REALLY going on. The rental seats in Lambeau are DEFINITELY as big as the seat they brought in. It's a conspiracy. It is!! I hope these boys kept their receipt.

Well, it’s after 3 pm so we might as well just wait outside for the flyover. You know, those are awesome. They just are. It’s ok that the government spends oodles and oodles on these killing machines – just don’t ever stop the stadium flyovers. I would be p*ssed if that ever happened. Give me a little something for all these years of paying taxes. That’s all I need.

Here we are - waiting for the flyover. weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

There are so many laws being broken in this photo - I really don't know where to begin.

Dave does a Sambuca shot out of Michelle's ear. I am impressed! See, that's what I'm sayin about finding your thing to generate a Packer win! I hope he got all three coffee beans out.

We finally start making our way into the stadium. I get to the officer and do the standard ‘spread eagle.’ “Go ahead and frisk me, officer, I’m not carrying anything.” Seriously, again, I could have brought in a case of liquor in these pants but I really did not have anything on me so I was helping him out. He didn’t even touch me. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. Remember that, kids! As is the case, they are starting to shut down gates – must be a security thing. Really, I wonder what would happen if someone was say, 15 minutes late…do they even let you in? What are the rules? I kinda would like to know. But I’d like to know before the fact and not after the fact, if you know what I mean.

As we get inside, we see that the Cowboys have brought along one of their cheerleaders. WOW! She kinda looks like Jessica Simpson. Seriously. Our first brush with fame this evening. After further review, those shorts she had on…TOO short for Lambeau. Even I wouldn’t be caught wearing shorts like that. Nor should I be allowed to wear shorts such as that. How could she not get stuck to those aluminum bleacher seats is beyond me. Oh, who am I fooling, I’m jealous that her outfit far out trumps mine! Boo. Hiss!
WHOA! And I'm not just saying that because we're playing the Cowboys. But seriously, WHOA!! Down, Kevin! Down, Marc.

Everyone splits up and somehow manages to get to section 107. Now, last year, we were in front of Tony Romo’s posse from Burlington. Eeeek! It was not a pretty night. Lots of ugly everywhere. So we were kinda dreading who the Packers were going to sit behind us this year, as the opposing team always gets these seats. To our delight and surprise, we had GRACIOUS and FUN Dallas folk. Serious. You can go to someone else’s house, have a good time and not be a total d-bag. Good people. They loved the Guinness as much as Barb and I do.
I'm gonna give a shout out here to www.orangeshoegym.com in Madison. Josh is president and owner. These are good guys! I think I like the cowboys!!

Now, the people in front of us – different story. Old, grumpy people on a bus. Have you ever been to a Badger hockey game? Well, the students have amazing cheers. Here’s the one they use when they want the rest of the Kohl Center to stand up and cheer…’Stand up, old people.’ Hahaha! Well, you should know where this is going. These people probably should have stayed home and watched the game from the comfort of their Lazyboys. Face it, the game is BETTER watched on TV. If you’re going to Lambeau, feel the energy and the craziness. Embrace it. Don’t fight against it because it will always bite you in the butt. They were no fun at all. So we sided with the enemy and that was fine with us!
I can't tell you how many photos I have just like this of Kevin and Marc. Or Dumb and Dumber. Or Ted and Mike (if you saw the joke that was floating around the internet last week).

Wow, halftime already. Let’s face it, it was a pretty boring game. Thank you defense for showing up. Aaron and the offense. Hmmm? I have no comment. I don’t know what to say. The word ‘lackluster’ comes to mind. Or ‘sloppy.’ I just don’t know. I must review the tapes and get back to you on that.

Off to the Leinie lodge where we meet up with Beth and Robb. Now, I have a beef. I love my Sony camera but only for BRIGHT SUNNY DAYS. It totally s*cks when you have to use the flash. I have tried everything and it just is rotten. But I am not going to bring my Canon Rebel into Lambeau because I don’t think it would make it out alive. Anyhow, all these photos basically stink. I could say I’m being ‘artsy’ but that is the furthest from the truth.
In this photo, it is NOT the photographer who is humping and grinding and shaking. That's all I'm gonna say.
Who's got the biggest...NUMBERS? You know who? Aaron! Aaron! Aaron!

As we enjoy some idle chit chat, I am accosted by some out of hand, crazy lunatic #4 fan! HELP!!! Security!!! It’s Mary C – loves #4. These last two seasons have been rough on her. She was just laying in wait to jump me and put a beat down on me and #12. I think I held my ground pretty well.

I think Mary has been watching too much Ultimate Fighting. She really wanted a piece of me. I was ascared!! At least she didn't pull my pigtails!

I figure I can beat her at MY sport...leg wrestling. She was not listening to the rules and it was torking me off to no end. I'm really surprised that security didn't come and yell at us.
Ok, I let her win. I did. Her guy is old and on his last legs. I know Aaron is in his prime. Wooo wooo!!

See, we can still be friends! We can agree to disagree. Did I tell you that Mr. Ashley Furniture was sitting in front of Mary at this game? Oh, there was a HOT September game a few years back when I used the SNL/Alec Baldwin 'schweatty ball' line to describe how HOT it was and it was a big crowd pleaser. Imagine that? Anyhow, I can't believe I didn't go and get a photo of him again. Crap! He and Sue were suppposed to be married by now!
. Who let the troll into Lambeau??

Again, it’s not user error in these photos, it’s the crappy Sony camera. Really. It is!
Give me a B! B!! Give me an E! E! Give me another E! E! Give me an R! R! What does it spell? TROUBLE!! What is that new country song that everyone is talking about? God is Great..Beer is Good..People are Crazy. Amen to that!

I have no idea when I got back to my seat. I believe Barb came to get me. Here’s the thing with Lambeau – you can never get lost in it. It’s an orb, people! If you get lost, then you also should have stayed home in your Lazyboy. But I make it back to see a welcome sight 17 – 0 in favor of the Pack. Oh my! I rub my eyes to be sure the numbers aren’t all garbled on the jumbotron. Nope, that is correct. These two didn't even leave their seats at halftime. Obviously, they were afraid they'd get lost. HA!

Two minute warning and we are outta there.

I KNEW that snuggie was going to come in handy. This is where Kevin and Marc and Barb found me...in front of the Christmas decorations in the atrium. Dreaming of a playoff berth...and an interception thrown to Woodson from old crusty britches in overtime in the dome. Ahhhh, I love dreams like that!

We get back to the truck before anyone else has even thought of leaving. Sweet. With this in mind, we make a break and head back to good ol Pickett. Seriously, for it being a win, we just weren’t that fired up. I think many people were feeling the same way – how can you tank against Tampa, but spank the cowgirls? I don’t get it. I’m still scratching my head on this. Well, whatever.

We stop at the closest saloon to our humble abode. That would be Jim’s County Line on Hwy. 26 between Rosendale and Oshkosh (that’s a shout out, people – slide Jim some business next time your traveling 26). It’s a little bar. Pretty simple. But Jim is a good guy and the brother to one of our neighbors. So he gives us 30 minutes to have a few libations. Is that like a mini drink? I don't think I've seen a drink that small. Ever. I think this camera really distorts stuff.

Shake o the day. And then the beloved fan game. Here’s the beauty of this – someone ALWAYS wins the fan game. Jim turns on and then off his ceiling fan - whichever driver the RED car lands on, is the winner! For a $1, you get a chance but you have to have 7 players (7 fan blades – 7 players, got it). Well, there were 7 Packer fans in the bar with dollar bills burning a hole in their pockets. So game on. Here's the fan - there are the cars. Does it get any better than that? I think not!

I don’t even know the driver that I had but, as luck would have it on this momentous occasion, I won! Winning is definitely in the eye of the beholder because the prizes, well, they are not your normal run of the mill prizes. You had a choice of a can of peanuts; a bottle of some bizarre Sweet Tea Seagrams concoction; a bottle of an even scarier ‘caffeinated’ cherry bomb schnapps or, the final prize choice, p*rn dvds. Yes. You read correctly. Man, what to choose? I ask Jim for his suggestion and he points to the ‘Big Butts’ DVD and says that one is pretty good. Who am I to argue? Why can't I just win the lottery? I'd give back this DVD. I really would.

So that was my prize. One more round of fan game for everyone and now Kevin is the winner. He picks the Red Bull type schnapps because two p*rn dvds is just too much and we didn’t want to spoil it for the next happy fan players. After a few more good laughs and our booty (no pun intended) we make the two mile drive back to the house, kick the Gagne’s out and begin to come down from the Packer buzz. I drink a big glass of water and pop a few ibuprofens and decide it is time to call it a day. A success! A win! The season continues! Woo wooo!

Packer victory. P*rn. Bad booze. Within crawling distance of home. The end of a perfect evening. Ok, a serious note - this gal just found out before she got to Jim's that a college friend of hers had passed on. So we all did a toast to Kim. Here's to Kim! Again!

I did not make it to triathlon swimming at 5:30 am on Monday but I had good intentions (does that count for points in the swim challenge? Just checking). Couldn’t peel my buttocks out of bed. When I did get up, I meandered downstairs to find Kevin glued to the big screen. Hmmm? “What are you doing down here?” “Well, I made the mistake of taking a pull of that caffeinated Cherry Bomb schnapps and couldn’t sleep so I settled in to watch that 6 hour marathon p*rn dvd.” EEEKK! Ok, there is so much wrong with this. That’s it. I now decree - no more fan game for ANYONE after that! It should be outlawed. Then he said something about hand lotion and I went up upstairs to make some coffee.

The lesson here is that you gotta do whatever it takes for that Packer win. Everyone has to give and sacrifice and find their special combination of prayer and karma and juju. And I think we have found that winning combination. I’m not changing a thing…except the fan game. 49ers – welcome to Lambeau!! See you Sunday!