sacrificing a virgin at lambeau field

I woke up on Sunday morning and found this horoscope email waiting for me…
You need to hew to the party line today – otherwise, things are sure to get really freaky! Even if you’re tempted to give in and let people do their own thing, remember what comes next.

If that doesn’t have trouble written all over it, I don’t know what does. So at least I was somewhat prepared for what the day would have in store.

Susan had arrived in Pickett on Friday night. Did some of the same old, same old – fish fry, Jim’s County Line (where we both won the fan game – the locals are cleaning up on the awesome prizes, I’m telling you), a little pre-game shopping, little walk (or run). Ate and drank. Got our games faces on.

Fast forward to Sunday am and our ‘sacrificial virgin’ arrived at 7:30. Karen had never been to a GBP game or Lambeau before so I had a bit of a schedule lined up for the day. You only have so many hours/minutes/seconds on game day to take it all in, so I really wanted an agenda to work from. Since it was her ‘first time,’ I really didn’t want it to ‘hurt.’ Ya, right – of course I did. It’s Lambeau. It’s a must-win Packer game. It’s gonna be 50+ degrees and we had enough alcohol to outfit the Russian army. Yes, I wanted it to hurt! Karen is not a beer drinker – a little wine, yes; beer, no. So on Friday I asked her what she wanted to drink on Sunday. No wine, she said - maybe just a little vodka on the rocks. Well, you can’t argue with a woman who knows what she wants so I said a prayer (well, a few over the weekend) that this first 'experience' wouldn’t scar her for life. I told my friend Stacy about Karen’s ‘drink plan’ and this is her quote…”ARE YOU CRAZY…do NOT do vodka on the rocks, for the love of God! I mixed that devil juice with several other things last weekend and it caused me SERIOUS pain…it will hurt you and hurt you good. May the force be with you.” Hahaha! Sage wisdom. I love it.

We left the ranch at 8 am in the Mustang as per the plan. Kevin seemed happy, well, thrilled for us to get the heck out of the house. Maybe because I was bouncing off the walls since 4:40 am? Kinda like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh? We arrived in Appleton to pick up our 4th Mouseketeer…Brenda. Since we had the Mustang (ie - juke box on wheels), space was at a premium. You could only bring what you could wear. No big purses or jackets or blankets. Less is more! We needed that trunk space for beer and bloody marys and shots and the cheese bra and those 7 slices of cheese and one sleeve of crackers, darn it! Well, Brenda had 2 – 12 packs; 2 - 6 packs; and a bag of groceries. So, that meant cramming more into my little trunk as well as making people hold stuff on the way up to GB. I do recall Brenda bemoaning the fact that “you should have taken Kevin’s truck so we would be more comfortable.’ HAHAHA! Well, I coulda, but I didn’t. This was more fun anyhow – again, like the clown car in the circus.

Push it real good. Note cheese bra in the distance...because you never know when you might need it.

All the girls got to know each other in our little ½ hour trek to GB and found their 7 degrees of each other (Sue and Karen are UWSP alum and Brenda has been to Stevens Point so there you have that). We arrived at the Valley View Road lot and got our now reserved rock star parking. Pile out. Grab a drink and show Karen a little of the lot and the stadium.

Susan and Karen..BFFs

Ok, sad fact is, we only made it to like 1/18 of what I wanted to show her but that’s life. Our first stop was at a tailgate party where Sue ran into her old roommate from many, many moons ago. We all learned more than we really needed to know about what Sue’s old roommate had to do to her boyfriend in order for him to give her his truck for her tailgate party – I mean, it was more than ANYONE needed to know. I know I spit up a little of my beer and Karen, well, this was her first Lambeau tailgate run-in and I think she went into a state of shock. I’m glad Sue’s old roommate felt comfortable telling us this but if that wasn’t a “Wow, welcome to Lambeau” slap in the face for Karen, I don’t know what is. I still blush when I think of this. Yikes. You can just imagine the ‘favors’ and ‘duties’ that were involved in this truck exchange. That’s all I’m gonna say.

We continue on. I wanted a sign for this game and Kohl’s has a booth where you can go and make your sign. I knew exactly what I wanted it to say. So Sue and Karen had no choice but to grab some markers and start coloring. I think it was a good little ‘team building’ experience. Susan did the lettering – bravo! Karen did the heart – bravo. I love this sign. No wait, I HEART this sign!


Look at the concentration and attention to detail these two are giving this sign.

Who the what the?? Who let Sigmund the Sea Monster into the lot? Look at how NICE the sign looks right now. Really, take note.

Well, we take our sign and start to make our way back to the Mustang. As we waited in line for the rest rooms, I spied the Miller Lite bottle walking thru the crowd. I really wanted to get him horizontal at our tailgate party – well, he couldn’t make it back to our lot so I asked him if he’d lay down on his side so we could ride him. He said ‘be careful, I deflate easily.’ Isn’t that what all guys say? I told him I’d be gentle and then proceeded to roll him on his side. Here you have it! Lots of people were capturing this moment on their cell phones. I have no idea why.

Yeeehaaa! I wanna be a cowboy...and you can be my cowgirl. Let's teach this Miller Lite bottle who's boss!

I'm sure the kid inside this bottle was like 14 years old. I want this job!! How do I apply?

That is it – time to get back as Susan has no beer left and Karen has no vodka left. These girls needed to be properly ‘lubricated’ for the game (especially Karen, being the virgin and all). And, as is customary, Sambuca was waiting for any and all that wanted to partake. We get back to the Mustang – unload the eatables and drinkables and just let it all unfold. Our sign is sitting on the ground when Brenda arrives – she promptly steps on it and you could see her footprints. I was not pleased at all. And then, to top it off, she looked me straight in the eyes and took her beer and started pouring it on our sign. The scream that came out of me was something primordial! It was like she cut me with a knife. That was ART and she ruined it! I quickly ran for towels to clean up the mess before nothing was legible on the sign. Brenda almost got a time out for that one (ps – she was wearing some old, moldy, 'smells like an old person' #4 shirt under per Packer stuff – again. I’m surprised I didn’t use that to wipe up the beer). Anyhow, back to the party. Mike and Paul surface.

Again, Lance is making fun of me and how I text. Is there like a manual I'm supposed to read or something?

Ok, knowing that Mike and Paul were going to stop by, I also knew that they would bring cigars to the tailgate. I pondered as I laid in bed on Sunday am, 'who could I get to smoke one with them...Karen or Brenda??' B - 69...Bingo! We have a winner.

Now, when I was little, my grandfather told me that if you smoked cigars, you would p**p your pants. Obviously to deter me from smoking cigars (like there was a snowball's chance in h*ll of that happening anyhow). After what Brenda did to my sign, I kinda hope she did indeed soil herself when she got home (and out of my car). I hope that didn't happen to Mike because I believe he was wearing his lucky 'Packer thong' again from two weeks ago. Rock on!

Lance and Big Rob and Kelly and Shane show up. John and Tom and Lisa and Bill and the boys. Lisa and others. The parking boys, Brian and Matt, come to harass me about Aaron and my car and our sign. You can just feel the love, as we kept telling Karen. Feel the Lambeau love.

Look at this motley crue! Ready for the big Packer victory!

Now, Karen used to LOVE Sambuca. Until ‘Sammy’ turned on her. I believe she even coined the phrase ‘it’s the devil.’ (See Stacy’s description of vodka above.) She said she’s been broken up from ‘Sammy’ for 17 years now. But, as is customary, you gotta do just a little of this for the Packers to win so she had to take one for the team (as all fans must do). And she continued to say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want me to do today, Katherine.’ Wooo wooo!! Now that is the spirit! Go with the flow. Be the ball. Make..make it! Of course she made up (or out) with Sammy more than once prior to kick-off. As did many, many others. It’s now tradition. It’s the Lambeau love, baby!

Mike and Sue and Paul...living it up with smokables and drinkables! Go Packers!!

Here'ssssssssss Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyy!!!


Alright – game time.

One big VOWEL movement here.

For pete's sake, that Sambuca bottle is like bottomless!

Dancer, Prancer, Vixen and Booze Hag - our alias names for the day.

Cram everything back into the Mustang – put the top up – turn off the ignition (and pray the battery wasn’t dead) and get moving. As luck would have it, the four of us were in the same section – just a few rows apart. I gotta give thanks for ALL the people who came to my aid last week when I put out my desperate plea for tickets. So much love it was overwhelming. Too much love to be exact (but not the same type of love that Sue’s old roommate was referencing above). In fact, we had offers for tickets on Saturday night as well as Sunday am. Now that’s a lot of love! Anyhow, thank you to all! Appreciate it.

Ok, does everyone have your ticket? Mommy is not going to ask again. I mean it.

Karen and I sit together – Susan and Brenda sit together. We’ll meet at the Leinie Lodge at halftime (which is halfway around the stadium, but again, it’s customary so you don’t break with tradition). The UW Marching Band is there. A flyover. 57 degrees. Sunshine. In late November. Sweet!

This is just a nice picture. It is. They don't all have to be silly and stupid, do they?

Of course, the sign is with Karen and I since we have the seats closest to the field. During a tv timeout, they always tell people to ‘show us your signs.’ Well, Karen and I were up with that beautiful sign immediately screaming down to the camera guy to ‘get our sign..get our sign.’ Now, this isn’t for the tv audience, just the Jumbotron (or dumbotron, as you will) in the stadium. And in hindsight, I do recall more security people surrounding Aaron after this but I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Anyhow, we show off our sign and then it’s back from commercial break and back to the game. Before you know it, its time to hit the Leinie Lodge. So off we gallop. But not before stopping for an ice water for Karen at Curly’s Pub. It was sunny and she was parched and I didn’t want her getting dehydrated at all during the day. By the way, I’m done drinking at this point. I’m driving and have precious cargo to get back home…my girlfriends! So we meet up with the crew in the Leinie Lodge.

Susan said she was going to Kelly and Shane's wedding and is sitting in the front row. I think these crazy kids just met last week..for what its worth.

Seriously, how many photos do I have of people around this same grill in the Leinie Lodge? That might be a blog in and of itself.

Kelly and Shane come screaming up to us, “we saw you on the Jumbotron…we saw your sign on the Jumbotron.” Ahhh, that’s WHY all the extra security came out on the field. Got it!! The sign was a hit after all…despite it being smeared and stained and stepped on. Take that, Brenda!


So besides stepping on and viciously attacking my sign, look what else Brenda did to the program she bought for me? Come on! That is just wrong. And she wonders why I call her names. Ok, it's a little funny, but not that much!

Brenda and I now head back for the good seats.

Again, just a nice photo. We can still be friends despite her vehement attacks on #12. I should have kicked her *ss in leg wrestling. Next time...for sure!

Karen and Susan are on their own. In hindsight, probably not the smartest move, but I figure they are big girls and can find their way around…or call ‘mommy’ and I’ll come find them. The game ticks down and I look over my left shoulder to see Jim and Lois – some old drinking buddies of mine.

Jim and Lois enjoying the Packer win!

Ok, now whenever I see Jim (and this has gone on for YEARS), I give this ‘hand-shake toss’ type of greeting to him. It has to do with an old story (which I have no idea what it is anymore), but the ‘greeting’ has ‘stuck like glue’ for years. I’m sure the two sections between us did not think the greeting was that funny. But I did. And he did. And Lois did. And I had to explain it to Brenda. Go figure. Anyhow, the game ends and we chat it up with Jim and Lois for a while. Karen and Susan surface and it is time for the 5th quarter with the UW band. Wooo woooo! Susan announces she is going to try to get on the field and runs down to the front row. Karen follows her to dance. There is NO WAY I want any part of this. Well, I change my mind because they are my charges and ‘someone always has to be in control or there is chaos.’ Brenda bails to the car. I dance my way down with the girls and we enjoy the 5th quarter.
NO! Susan, NO means NO. Get it? NO! NO! NO!

NOW look at the sign! That is ALLLL Brenda's handywork. Sloppy, tattered, beer stained, beat-up, rode hard...no, not us on Monday morning, the SIGN, Silly!!

Weeeee!! Karen and Sue are first in line to tryout for the new 'mature' GBP cheerleading squad. Go girls! Shake your pompons!

Susan continues to try to convince the security guard to let her down on the field. The answer is no. She also asks the police officer. He says no. I tell her ‘no means no.’ And then I take Karen’s hand and we head out to the car. I know Susan will follow soon.

Karen and I find Susan in deep, meaningful conversation with this group of drunkards. I'm sure they were discussing the health care plan or the impact of global warming. I'm sure of it.

At the car, the festivities have started up again.

The lights are on at the stadium - for pete's sake, GO HOME people!! Don't you have homes?

We missed the college boy wrestling/fight. Poor Big Rob has lost his mother’s diamond earrings – not just one, but two. So we all start crawling around the ground to look for them. Karen, no longer a Lambeau virgin, finds one like a needle in a haystack. How the heck can you lose two earrings is beyond me. But wait! After reviewing the film, I see where the other earring went…

And Sue wonders why she has indigestion...

Ok, enough. Off to Tom, Dick and Harry’s next to the practice field to see a band from Oshkosh (Hindsight).

Girl fight! Girl fight! Karen tells Brenda, "I'm gonna ride you like that Miller Lite bottle for what you did to our sign!"

Alas, the band at TDH is NOT from Oshkosh. Someone at the Y has a lot of explaining to do to me. But the band is kinda fun and there are seats at the bar so we anchor here for a while. Of course, the drinks at this place are HUGE and that is exactly what B and K and S need are BIG drinks. Oh, and shots.

Oh yes, Jaggermeister is just the ticket for an upset stomach. Cheers!

I ask for a BIG water and take in the show. I get a tap on the shoulder and some guy says ‘hey, will you get on my shoulders?’ Me – “Sure, but you cannot drop me. Do not drop me, got it?” So I crawl onto a barstool and his buddy helps me on his shoulders and we dance around for a while, while I continue to tell him ‘do not drop me!’ Ok, that was fun but I want down so I flop onto his friend and we high five and laugh it up. Then, Laura, Brenda’s friend says she wants to do it too and begins to ‘saddle up.’ Well, that is when every bouncer in the joint comes running over and mentions something about being removed from the bar if this behavior continues. Eeeek!! I’m glad she was saddling up not me. Haha!

Laura steadies me as I mount my steed. At least I think those are her hands?? It always seems like a good idea at the time, doesn't it?

I had this photo taken below with my new friends and was told immediately after this that ‘no one’s feet can leave the ground anymore tonight.’ I like that. It’s funny.

Note the yellow arm of the bouncer coming in from the left...FEET on the ground...NOW! Seriously, I would like to be one of those cheerleaders they throw up into the air. But not tonight at Tom, Dick and Harry's.

Now, here is where there is some dissension among the ranks. Sue is tired and hungry and wants to go to Los Banditos. She is tired of the shenanigans at TDH. And she is really torqued off by the bad dancing (and equally bad cheesy moustaches) of these 49ers fans (see below).

Ok, they always say that the midwest is like five years behind the times. These are Cali boys. For the love of pete, what is with the 70s porn star moustaches? Let's take a stand, 'sconnie boys. Do NOT bring back that look. It's just bad.

Remember the band Queen? I think this guy looks like Freddie Mercury. He certainly dresses like him.

Again, so much wrong with this photo I just don't know where to begin. What is Winnie the Pooh doing here?

Karen is also ready to go as the agenda was that we’d be back in Pickett by 6 pm (ok, it is after 6 right now). Brenda is having way too much fun and isn’t ready to leave. I strike a bargain that Karen and Susan and I will go get the car and come back and get Brenda. Everyone is happy. Common ground. We enjoy the walk back to the car – pick up Brenda and Laura (now there are 5 in the Mustang) and quickly proceed to dump Laura at a restaurant where her friends are waiting for her. I then beat cheeks for Los Banditos where real food finally awaits (ok, I told the girls we would go to Krolls for burgers prior to the game – well, that never happened so this is the first ‘real’ food of the day – sometimes schedules just don’t work out – I’m not perfect). Susan and Brenda order more margaritas. Karen, the un-virgin, is spent from the day. I can have one because they “are like Kool-Aid,” according to Sue and “it’s mother’s milk,”according to Brenda. It’s all very funny at this point. Very, very funny. We eat. Review the day. Play ‘drink and text.’ They continue to drink. They order a second litre of margaritas. And then we look up to see Jim and Lois again. I don’t see these people for years and then twice in one day! I think they were stalking me! Now I know how Aaron feels. Good laughs. It’s time to go. We load into the clown car and make our way to Appleton where Brenda does the ‘tuck and roll’ off of 41. We arrive back in Pickett at 9:15 pm. A 13+ hour day. Egads. I guess ‘too much of a good thing is always enough.’ Or so I’ve heard. Kevin has prepared a room for Karen to rest her weary head (God bless him.) Ibuprofen and water for all. Some sleep. And the girls are back on the road promptly early Monday am. I’m left to unwedge every cooler and bag and article of clothing from the Mustang. And to think of all the Lambeau virgins who are now ‘seasoned’ veterans. I hope they come back and do it again and again and again! For Susan and Karen, they both said they are DONE with GBP games for the season. For some, once is never enough…for others, more than plenty! And can I just say, that horoscope was spot on!

Two weeks and we do it again...Monday night football vs the Ravens. Brenda and me. Pray for us. Go, Pack, Go on Thursday!! Happy Thanksgiving to you all and to all a good night.